Ho Ho No…

What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a duck?

A Christmas quacker.

I’ve got a great idea! I’m going to send a Christmas themed joke to Hubs every night when I go to bed, so that when he wakes up in the morning he can have a little chuckle and think of his Christmas homecoming. Brilliant, should be easy enough, there are LOADS of funny Christmas jokes aren’t there……

It started well, as you can see by my first effort above, but it has to be said by the end of the second week I was struggling. It also seemed that the quality of joke and my levels of bed time fatigue seemed inexplicably linked, but once you have begun something like this it is almost impossible to stop. And with the power of the internet at my fingertips it couldn’t be that hard……

Whats brown and hides in the kitchen?

Mince spies.

But no matter how many searches I made and how many websites claimed to be packed full of ‘hilarious holiday howlers’ it seemed that they all contained the same dozen or so fairly mediocre Christmas cracker standards that failed to raise a smile, let alone a chuckle. Once or twice I hit gold. But more often than not I found myself wishing, (for more than one reason), that Hubs was due home much much sooner.

But just why is it that ‘Christmas cracker jokes’ are very rarely about Christmas, and even more rarely funny?

Well having searched long and hard I can assure you that there aren’t a huge amount of funny seasonal joke out there, so this would answer one of the questions, but why are they just so…bad?

What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas?

I’ll never part with it.

According to Psychologist Professor Richard Wiseman, (really I couldn’t make it up a professor called Wiseman in a blog about Christmas….), who lectures on ‘The public understanding of psychology’ at Hertfordshire university (just in case you think I did make him up), thinks that the reason the ‘jokes’ are so bad is thus:
‘If the joke is good and you tell it and it doesn’t get a laugh, it’s your problem. If the joke’s bad and it doesn’t get a laugh, then it’s the joke’s problem. My theory is that it’s a way of not embarrassing people at Christmas.’

But according to Rachel Davis, the head of design at Britain’s largest cracker producing factory, over the course of the last 50 years all the jokes have been vetted for political correctness and therefore ‘all the really funny ones had to go’.

What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?


And so as I write this Hubs should be sitting in departures at Hong Kong international airport waiting to board his flight to Paris reading his final Christmas joke before coming home. And, weather worries aside (because if he doesn’t make it home because of the snow that really wouldn’t be funny), I cant wait to greet him later today because it will mean that my quest is finally over and I don’t have to sift through all the humourless drivel I have been subjecting myself to for the last 23 days!

Whatever you do this Christmas I hope it is filled with joy, peace and laughter.
Although I wouldn’t count on your cracker jokes for the last of those things. Happy Christmas to you all. But before I go, I want to share with you MY favourite joke so far.

Which Playwright is terrified of Christmas?

Noël Coward.

A Bientôt.


Author: hillywillyworld

Living as an 'ex-pat' in Thailand with my daughter Moo and sometimes my Hubby too (when he is not bringing home the bacon from Macau). Sometimes it's funny. Sometimes it's tough. Sometimes it's confusing. Most of the time it's just...random. Join me as I struggle and giggle my way through this thing called life.

2 thoughts on “Ho Ho No…”

  1. Well I just had to didn’t I???!!!!!
    What happened to the man who shoplifted a calender at Christmas?

    He got 12 months!!!

    Hoping your arrival arrives on time xxxxx

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